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3 minor changes to the 9 major movies…

Here are 3 minor changes for each of the 9 major Star Wars movies that TheLongTalk believes would make them better…

- The Phantom Menace

• The Gungans speak their own language that the audience can’t understand. Like Han with Chewie, Qui-Gon “translates” for the first part of the movie, then C3PO takes over.

• Amidala is a Princess and NOT a fourteen year old Queen. She’s also not an elected official. Just add on some parents (The King & Queen) who are trapped off-world by The Trade Federation’s blockade… they are the ones who ask the Jedi for help.

• Qui-Gon includes Anakin’s mother in the bet and brings her along, but Ani is still fearful because Qui-Gon has made it clear that he will eventually have to leave her in-order to train as a Jedi.

BONUS: Ditch Midichlorians

- Attack of the Clones

• Count Dooku is NOT a Sith Lord… he’s telling the truth… he sees the return of the Sith coming and the Jedi are ignoring him. He’s building an army to fight the coming Empire not the Republic.

• Get rid of the Death Sticks scene… it’s stupid.

• Find a way for R2D2 to get around without flying.

- Revenge of the Sith

• Amidala doesn’t die of sadness, she dies of wounds suffered from her confrontation with Anakin.

• Obi-Wan doesn’t inflict ALL of Anakin’s wounds… Instead Vader collects them over the 20 or so years he’s working as The Emperor’s goon and hunting down the last of the Jedi.

• Yoda, Obi-Wan, and Bail Organa don’t treat two newborn babies like sacks of floor… and instead have a lengthier and more emotional conversation about what to do with these poor “from a certain point of view” orphans.

- New Hope

• Luke grieves the loss of his Aunt and Uncle a little more deeply.

• Han shoots first… clearly, and without any ambiguity.

• Maybe juice up the lightsaber battle between Vader and Obi-Wan.

- The Empire Strikes Back

• Some additional screen time for Boba Fett where in he does more cool stuff.

• Maybe less screen time for C3PO… that’s usually a good idea.

• An upgrade on the space worm scene.

- The Return of the Jedi

• Get rid of Salacious Crumb… way to Jim Henson, not Lucas enough.

• A more honorable exit for Boba Fett.

• MORE gold bikini.

- The Force Awakens

• Rename Snoke and Starkiller base… those names are lame.

• More screen time for Poe… let’s see how he survived the crash and got back in contact with the Resistance.

• Less screen time for Maz Kanata… what you cut from her, you can give to Poe.

- The Last Jedi

• Kill Leia… now this might not seem like a minor change… but it is. After her injury, she does little to nothing for the rest of the movie. All her speeches could be given to another character easily. You might also say, killing her in this movie might be minor, but it’d have major ramifications on The Rise of Skywalker… but you’d be wrong, cause she doesn’t do all that much in that movie either.

• Show some respect for Admiral Ackbar… dude dies so fast and almost off screen… and the audience hardly even notices… and the Resistance hardly seems to care.

• Keep Luke alive at the end.

BONUS: Replace Benicio Del Toro’s character with Lando!

- The Rise of Skywalker

• Give all of Leia’s scenes to Luke… at some point have Kylo kill Luke.

• Give that one Han scene to Force Ghost Luke.

• Give all of Lando’s scenes to Force Ghost Luke.

There you have it… 3 minor changes to each of the 9 movies and they all get better.

More terrible NBA ideas

Keep the bad think thinking…

 • Players should be encouraged to gamble heavily on the outcome of their own games
• Inflatable bounce castles at midcourt
• A “Hit This & Your Team Wins Instantly” half court shot for the home team at the start of each game
• Ask fans to chip in to cover payroll… pass a hat after the third quarter
• Bears roaming the sidelines

Bad NBA changes

Some big bad NBA ideas…

• Make the ball square, see how the players respond

• Make the court a circle, same

• Give every team 15 extra timeouts and see if they use em, just cause they have em

• Between quarters, all players must eat a five pound cheeseburger… they cannot re-enter the game until they’ve finished

• James Dolan is given control over every team that is not the Knicks, Lakers, or Celtics

• One team gets to have seven players

• The players must wear full length pants


Sometimes a goose is a goose… but sometimes a goose is a swan and you just thought you saw a goose.

It’s OK, on those occasions, to say, ‘Hey, I thought I saw a goose, but it turns out it was just a swan.”

There’s no harm in that…

Temple Post

“You can’t take pictures here sir.”

“It’s OK.”

“It’s not OK. You can’t take pictures here, sir.”

The man looked at the monk.


He took the picture.

He instantly died.

The monk put his body on the pile.

The lady in the plaid skirt took her phone out of her tiny purse.

“Excuse me miss, you can’t take pictures here.”