Category Archives: 08 | Car-Sick

A category to cover the topics that make us sick. Political scandal, Pop culture crap, etc…

Leave em wanting more

They say in entertainment, hell, in all of life, you should always leave ’em wanting more.  It makes sense then, that there’s talk online of a Blade Runner Sequel (maybe even a Prequel), in the works.

But why stop with Blade Runner, why not franchise all of cinema’s classics?  Be on the lookout for any or all of the following releases in a theater near you…

Return to Oz -
James Cameron, and the digital dynamos behind Avatar, bring you 17-year-old Judy Garland in “Return to Oz.”  This time, the flying monkeys are in 3D.

Citizen Kane: Stop the Presses –
When the spoiled heir to the Kane Empire, Ricky Freedman (Shia LaBeouf), discovers a dark family secret, it’s an all out race to Rio de Janeiro with a mysterious young woman known only as, Rose Bud.

Father of the Princess Bride - Steve Martin returns as the beloved, and frequently frazzled, George Banks, in the Big Screens First Major Motion Picture Mashup!!!  When Wesley and Buttercup’s son, Scotch, meets recently divorced Annie Banks at the local Wal-Mart, its love at first sight.  But can Billy Crystal and Martin Short make it past the ROUS’s in time to plan the wedding of the century…  it’d take a miracle.

Lawrence of Fort Lauderdale –
A young rebel with nothing left to lose, finds himself the unlikely leader of a rag-tag group of Cuban sweatshop workers, as they fight the capitalist systems that have enslaved them and learn a little something about love.

If you’ve got an idea of your own…  forget it as quickly as possible, then grab hold of any ounce of name recognition that’s still available to you and pitch TheLongTalk your best Hollywood Rehash.

Let’s see what you’ve got,
TheLongTalk

Did you hear about the Sequel to that Reboot?

This is what the Hollywood landscape looks like right now…

At The Box Office
– TRON Legacy: A sequel to a 20 something year old movie that was never popular
– Yogi Bear: A live action outing for a cartoon bear that must be at least 40 years old and was never really popular
– The Chronicles of Narnia #3: The third installment of a franchise that is a distant 78th behind Harry Potter, Twilight, and the like… based on a book that’s probably over 50 and was at one time not all that popular
(Really other then The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, what regular person can name even two more Narnia books… the movie ones don’t count)
– The Fighter: The first non-sequel to make the list
– Tangled: The second non-sequal, sitting firmly at the bottom of IMDB’s listings

Opening This Weekend (The big Christmas weekend)
– Little Fockers: The third in a franchise that never should have happened.  One is enough
– True Grit: The modern remake of a Hollywood classic
– Somewhere: ?
– Gulliver’s Travels: A comedic remake
– The Illusionist: Foreign import
– Country Strong: Gwen’s attempt to launch a country singing career

That’s a grand total of 6 remakes or reboots out of 11 movies.  And the movies that are new are the lowest grossing and least known.  TLT hadn’t even heard of Somewhere until 40 seconds ago.

It’d be easy for TheLongTalk to blame Hollywood for this apparent lack of creativity.  To shout and whine about the death of originality.  To speculate about the intestinal fortitude of those that don’t dare walk even an inch away from the known and established, from the all powerful name recognition and try to create something new…

… but TLT saw TRON and still hasn’t seen The Fighter.  TheLongTalk went to Toy Story 3 but hasn’t bought a ticket for Tangled.  TheLongTalk even saw the A-Team and missed The Rock’s new movie FASTER.  This is really all TLT’s fault.  It’s all our faults.

If we want something new and different, we’ll need to start shelling out some ticket money for new and different… until then we’ll have to be OK with upcoming Highlander reboot, the Spiderman reboot, the Mission Impossible sequel, etc., and etc. 2 “etc. returns”

Coming Soon,
TheLongTalk

Survivor sick

This season of Survivor has been terrible.  TheLongTalk is a long time fan of CBS’s Survivor series and after last nights double drop out TLT’s gotta say it… worst season ever.

The fourth season when Vecepia Towery won and Rosie O’Donald did the town hall meeting was a bit of a let down.  The next season brought us soft core star and used car salesman Brian Heidik as the most likable contestant on a remarkably unlikable cast.

Other season have had their highs and lows.  Boston Rob, always a fan favorite, left too soon his first time… but he’s had two more chances to win.  Rupert was fun to watch during Pearl Islands.  Trading their clothes for a peanut butter sandwich will have Survivor fans remembering Heidi and Jenna forever.  Russell was ruthless.

But this season… man there’s no one left to root for.  Sure you can vote Jane, and Jeff seems to be selling her pretty hard, but it just doesn’t feel right.  Chase and Sash haven’t done much, and Fabio is fun… but should you win for being fun?

Nay and Kelly Purple leaving at the same time, when all they really needed to do was send out a single… I’m ready to go vibe and they would have been sent home as soon as they’d liked… It’s insane.

Marty or Brenda should be allowed to come back into the game.  They should have a challenge with the three jury members, they could try to start a fire or something, then let the winner back in.  It might give this super lame season the boost it so badly needs.

Hoping Things will Pick Up,
TheLongTalk

Bunk

TheLongTalk has a post election question for you.

Imagine for a moment that you’ve been sentenced by a cruel judge to life in prison for a crime you didn’t commit.  Your sympathetic warden can’t let you go, but has decided to give you your choice of bunkmate.

You can have a known liar and violent offender.  Someone who will swear up and down to you that he’s not going to slit your throat in the night, but you still might want to sleep with one eye open.

Or you can have an inmate that’s renowned for his honesty.  A stand up guy, that when he tells you he’ll slit your throat is going to slit your throat… no questions asked.

Which bunkmate would you choice?

Gotta love the two party system,
TheLongTalk

Mud Slinging Ads

It’s almost time for the Mid-term elections and TheLongTalk is getting pretty sick of mud slinging.  All the political commercials and flyers at present are negative… not some of them, but all of them.

Last week TheLongTalk received a glossy piece of political puke that went on for four pages about the incompetence of some Senatorial candidate and at the end of it all didn’t even mention the name of the apparently useless politicians opponent.

What good does it do to simple dump on a candidate without at least advancing your own cause in the process?

– If your opponent is a convicted criminal make sure to mention that… but also mention that you are not a convict.

– If your opponent has made deals with his friends at tax payer expense mention that… but tell us who you are and that you’ve never done anything similar.

– If your opponent has no suggestions for making your district better and no plan for governing tell us… but then tell us what your plan is!

Unfortunately TheLongTalk suspects that the main reason many politicians seem to be unable to do anything other than sling mud is because they don’t have anything but mud.  They don’t have a plan, they don’t have any ideas, they don’t have anything… but neither does that other guy.

Makes you want to run right out and vote,
TheLongTalk