Category Archives: 02 | #12

Probably True, Very Funny

Have you heard this back and forth with Tiger Woods and Golf Digest’s Dan Jenkins?  If not, Jenkins wrote a fake interview with Tiger Woods, go read it now.  You can find it here –

I know, hilarious isn’t it?  Number12 was loving every minute of reading that.  But then wait, Tiger Woods, the real one not the fake one with the interview actually responded.  The Title of the piece for this response – “Not True, Not Funny.”  Which is why I titled this post “Probably True, Very Funny.”  Because well, if Tiger were being honest and himself, I think that is about how the interview would’ve went.  That or he would’ve flipped over the diner table and tried to strangle Jenkins to death.  Either way, here is the response Tiger wrote –

I think I might’ve enjoyed Tiger’s response even more.  Could he sound any more like a crybaby?  Like a child?  Like the douchebag, SOB that he is?  No he couldn’t. until you read the letter his representatives wrote t0 Golf Digest, you can read that here –

I love what Tiger said Golf Digest’s response was.  He said “Digest responded by saying it was Dan’s humor, and they didn’t think it was unfair or they wouldn’t have run it.”

I couldn’t agree more and Golf Digest just got a new fan.  Well played Golf Digest, well played.

Sam Neil Concept

Sam Neil Concept

            I’ve come up with a concept.  I call it the Sam Neil concept.  It’s simple, let me explain.  The other day I watch a 1997 sci-fi flick for the first time called Event Horizon.  It’s good, not great.  It’s about a spaceship that is trying to use new technology to travel faster than the speed of light.  The ship, the Event Horizon, disappears during these tests and then appears about 7 years later and a crew is sent to investigate the ship.  The movie was a bit more horror than I expected, however it went somewhere I didn’t see coming, which is always nice.  I’m trying not to give an spoilers away, just go watch it, it’s worth it.

But, there was just one problem with the film, I kept looking for the dinosaurs.  Yes, dinosaurs.  Is there any mention of dinosaurs in the film?  No.  Is there even a hint that they’re roaming out in space somewhere on this ship?  Nope.  Should anything make someone think of dinosaurs in regards to the plot, setting, theme, ideas of this film?  Absolutely not.  Then why did I think of dinosaurs?

Because of this guy:

Yes, because Even Horizon has in it Dr. Allan Grant, oh await, I mean Sam Neil.  My guess is that you look at a picture of the drastically underrated Sam Neil the first (and probably only) movie that comes to mind is ________________________.

Yup, Jurassic Park.  Every time I see this guy I think of the island where dinosaurs are given a second chance at life.  I don’t see this guy as an actor, I see him as a paleontologist that is trying to contain the dinosaur outbreak at Jurassic Park.

So this is how the Sam Neil Concept came to mind.  Sam Neil, a talented actor who has been in other good films, instantly gets associated with one role, Dr. Allen Grant from Jurassic Park.

This is the Sam Neil concept; when you see an actor or actress your mind instantly triggers one specific movie they are in and you forever associate that person with only that movie and it seems strange to see them outside the world of whatever movie they have acted in.  I don’t think there is a better example of this in Hollywood than with Sam Neil and Jurassic Park.  Hence, when you see someone and think of them for one role only I declare it be known as the Sam Neil Concept.


Now the question is, what other actors and actresses could you apply the Sam Neil Concept to?

Kevin Garnett you did decide the game, not the refs

As the(too)longtalk knows I hate the “let the players decide the game at the end and just have the refs swallow the whistle” unspoken rule.  I hate it and last night we saw another perfect example of why this should not be the thinking of athletes, announcers, ESPN employees, and Shaq.  Garnett clearly set a moving screen last night on Andre Iguodala that should have been called and I’m glad it was.  AI 2.0 nearly avoided the screen altogether and Garnett leans into Iguodala and even pushed him.  Are you kidding me?  You don’t want a foul called there?  Are you serious?  You want the first 30 seconds called differently than the last 30 seconds?  But only if its a close game?  I don’t get it and I am so glad the officials blew the whistle and made the right call.

The officials didn’t decide this game, you did Kevin Garnett with YOUR foul.  The refs didn’t set a moving screen, Kevin Garnett did.  The refs didn’t get warned many other times during the game to stop setting moving screen, Kevin Garnett did.  Kevin, the refs didn’t make you one of the dirtiest players in the game, you did that yourself, and you fouled Iguodala and you were called for it as you should’ve been.  The refs didn’t do it, you did.  The refs didn’t decide the game, you did.

Also, this is reason 34,532 that Shaq is an idiot, it was a foul the BIG OVER-RATED, and it should have been called.

#12 Cargument of the Month – Which Sports Team Would You Want To Own

This should be a fun one.  If you could own any team in any league who would it be?  This one is tough for me, there are 7 teams I would want to own (1) the Pittsburgh Steelers, (2) the Pittsburgh Penguins, (3) the New York Yankees, (4) the Pittsburgh Pirates, (5) the Utah Jazz, and  (6) the Chicago Cubs, and (7) the New Orleans Hornets.  The Steelers are my favorite NFL team, but they are already run so well and have arguably the best ownership in the league, I would love to continue that tradition as an owner, but since they are already doing so well I shall pass.  The New York Yankees are my favorite baseball team and if you owned them they would make you lots of cash.  My second favorite MLB team is the Pittsburgh Pirates and I would love to take over that team and help provide a winning tradition.  I would just like to own the Cubs because they would make you a ton of money and it would be cool to be the owner who ended the billy goat curse.  The Pittsburgh Penguins are my favorite NHL team (see a trend?) but I would pass on owning a hockey team.  I love the Utah Jazz, they are my favorite NBA team, when I was growing up I wanted to be John Stockton, you will not find a bigger John Stockton fan out there than #12, (part of the reason my identity on here is #12 is because of Jon Stockton).   I would want to own the New Orleans Hornets, not because I now live in New Orleans, but so I could move the team to Pittsburgh, they need an NBA team for me to root for.

However, if I had to pick one team to own it would be the Utah Jazz.  I’ve seen the Steelers win multiple championships, the same with the Yankees, and a few years ago I got to see the Penguins win, but never the Jazz.  I would want to own the Utah Jazz and I would bring them the championship Salt Lake City has been dying for.  I wouldn’t have let Mes Matthews go just to save a few bucks and that also goes for Carlos Boozer, Kyle Korver, Ronnie Brewer, and Eric Maynor.  I also would’ve drafted differently.  I want to own the Utah Jazz and lead them to hanging a championship banner by the rafters.  Maybe I’ll go play the mega millions, $640 millions might be enough to buy them, but probably not after taxes.

Anyways, if you could own and sports team, who would it be?

LeBron James – The Most Overrated Athlete of All Time

After watching last night’s game of the Orlando Magic versus the Miami Heat, there is no debating it.  LeBron James is the most overrated athlete of all time.  Recently on the self proclaimed “World Wide Leader in Sports” the Mike and Mike show had a debate on if LeBron James, right now, was the best NBA player to never win a ring.  Most of the so called experts agreed that James was in fact the best NBA player ever to never win a championship.  He was placed ahead of Hall of Famers such as John Stockton, Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, Elgin Baylor,  Dominique Wilkins, Patrick Ewing, George Gervin, Reggie Miller, Pete Maravich and the future Hall of Famers Allen Iverson and Steve Nash.  Are you kidding me?  Everyone on that list has had a better entire career that James has had to this point.

If Lebron James has a career ending injury tomorrow, I could not say that he has had a better career than anyone I listed above.  And the “experts” were putting him at the top of the greatest player to never win a championship debate?  They put him ahead of a guy, Elgin Baylor, who took the L.A. Lakers to 8, yes 8 finals? (Even though they lost them all, LeBron has already lost two, I hope, realy hope Elgin’s record gets broken by James and he loses 9 finals, really hope).  They put him ahead of a guy, Karl Malone, that is #2 on the all time scoring list and averaged over 20 points a game for 17 straight years?  Really?  They put him ahead fo a guy, John Stockton who is the all time leader in assists AND steals?  Wow.  Ahead of Reggie Miller who had an 18 year career and is second all time in 3 point field goals made?  Ahead of Charles Barkley who had a 16 year career and averaged a double-double for the last 15 years of his career?  Ahead of Dominique Wilkins who had a 15 year career and averaged over 20 points for 11 straight years, oh yeah and had a pretty good overseas career while not playing in the NBA.  Ahead of Patrick Ewing who had a 17 year career and averaged over 20 points a game for he first 13 years as well as averaging a double-double for 9 straight years.  NO WAY LeBron has had a better career than any of them to this point.

Sure, by the time it all said and done James might have a better career than everyone listed, but right now?  With numbers such as two finals loses and with James in his ninth year in the league (can you believe it has been that many already) it looks like he will have averaged over 20 points for all nine years, not NEVER averaged for a season a double-double.  His numbers, right now, just don’t stack up.

Also, none of these great players shrink like LeBron does in clutch time. LeBron is missing the clutch gene as Skip Bayless has so correctly pointed out time after time.  Last night in the final minutes of the game James drove into the lane, took a shot with no arc, that hit hard of the backboard, didn’t even hit rim.  Looked like a third grader shot it.  That’s what we call down south a “white man’s shot.’  Didn’t even hit the rim, it just hit hard off the backboard, and James just stood there with his arms out looking at the ref, complaining (like he always does) that a foul was not called, as Jameer Nelson, yes Jameer Nelson went down the floor and hit a go ahead three pointer.

In a game the other day when the heat were tied with the Pacers in overtime with only a few seconds left LeBron had the ball and motioned for Dwyane Wade to come and get the ball from him.  Wade got the ball and hit the shot.  But come on LeBron, if you are the greatest you want, you need that ball in your hands.  Listen, I’m not saying you have to shoot it every time, Jordan passed to Paxon and Kerr in the finals for them to hit game winning shots.  Jordan got the assist on the play and did not make the I’m going to motion to Steve Kerr to come take the ball from be because I’m scared to have it in my hands play.  LeBron, you are good.  But not as good as everyone seems to think.  Glad Skip Bayless can keep some perspective.  And so can I.

Overrated Hall of Fame, the O-Hoff, LeBron James, you have been nominated.

#12’s Boob of the Week for Feb 5-11 2012

Missed the Boob of the Week column last week…ooops.  But I was busy writing something else, really I was, I promise.  Anyways, since I missed last week I give you a trifecta of boobs, that’s right ladies and gentlemen three boobs stood out for me last week.

Boob #1 – The Piggyback Bandit.  You can read the full story from ESPN here.  This is weird, really weird.  Apparently some 28 year old guy who weighs 240 pounds goes to high school sporting competitions pretending to be wither a fan or even a part of the team and once a team or person wins, he joins in the celebration and routinely jumps onto high school students back to get a piggy back ride.  Weird right?  This guy, Sherwin Shayegan, has been banned from high school sporting activities in Washington, Oregon, Montana, North Dakota and Minnesota and has warrants for his arrest in Washington.  Dude, I don’t know why you do this, but stop, these are very boobish actions.

Boob #2 – Shaquille O’Neal – Last Tuesday Shaq said it would be a travesty if current Orlando Magic center Dwight Howard left the Orlando Magic.  Flash back to 1996, can you imagine what a travesty it would have been for the Magic if Shaq had left, oh wait, he did leave.  But wait, Shaq is saying things are different now and that Howard’s best financial deal is with the Magic so he should stay, its not like his situation where the Lakers offered more.  But wait Shaq in 1996 you said it wasn’t about the money saying “I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money.”  Shaq, how can you say this man?  Really?  This earns you your first, but I am sure not your last boob of the week award from #12.

Boob #1 LeBron James – Yes, RT90, your boy Lebron.  Bronbron was asked last week if he could see playing for the Cavs again and he said yes.  Boob move dude.  You just got to Miami yet you are already to leave South Beach to take your talents back to north Eastern Ohio?  I get it, you were just answering a question, but next time just smile and say “next question” or else you’ll look like a boob again.



#12’s Quote of the Month February 2012

I just read what Kendrick Perkins said about LeBron James tweeting about him being dunked on and a new column was formed: #12’s Quote of the Month.  But wait it’s only the 8th of the month, doesn’t matter this one is so good its automatically the winner.  Here is the back story, last week Blake Griffin “posterized” Kendrick Perkins with a throw down dunk.  About the dunk LeBron tweeted “Dunk of the Year! @blakegriffin just dunked on Kendrick Perkins so hard!!! Wow! I guess I’m No. 2 now. Move over #6″  James saying I’m #2 now refers to a dunk that he had the previous night when he literally jumped over a Chicago Bulls defender for an ally oop pass.  When hearing about the tweet Perkins said “You don’t see Kobe tweeting. You don’t see Michael Jordan tweeting. If you’re an elite player, plays like that don’t excite you.  At the end of the day, the guys who are playing for the right reasons who are trying to win championships are not worrying about one play. They also are not tweeting about themselves talking about going down to No. 2. I just feel he (LeBron James) is always looking for attention and he wants the world to like him.”

BAM!  Quote of the month.  It’s over, start the buses, we’re headed home.  And Kendrick Perkins just got one more fan, #12.

#12’s Boob of the week for January 22-28 2012

This is an interesting choice for me this week, but this story just stuck out to me and so I had to give this week’s honors to the Rhodes Trust.  The Rhodes Trust is in charge of a prestigious scholarship known as the Rhodes Scholarship.  ESPN broke a story last week of how Patrick Witt, the Yale quarterback, had his scholarship application suspended by Rhodes Trust for being accused of sexual assault in September.  Yes, I know what you’re thinking, that Witt should win this week’s award for being accused of such a crime.  But here’s the thing, this woman never went to the police, remains anonymous and Witt has not been charged nor does he have any criminal investigations pending against him.  Now, I don’t condone, support, or encourage sexual assault of any kind.  Heck, I say if Witt is found to have sexually assaulted someone we castrate him, along with the rest of the men who sexually assault women.

That being said, anyone can accuse anyone else of anything else.  There is no proof or evidence that Witt committed any crime.  The ESPN story reads, “The Rhodes Trust was told about the accusation in November, but not through official channels, the newspaper reported, citing sources with knowledge of the matter.”  WHAT?  So someone told someone else that they had heard that someone, at some time, might have done something and they get punished for it?  Talk about being found guilty before the trial, wow.  I was shocked by this story, and if Witt is indeed innocent then he should be seeking the best lawyers money can afford.  But he isn’t, as the ESPN story reports, he been unreachable for a while, which doesn’t look good for him, but it doesn’t prove he is guilty.  For suspending someone for a scholarship, about something that you heard about through unofficial channels, with no crime or investigations taking place, with no charges filed, and with no evidence that Witt is indeed guilty, you the Rhodes Trust are the Boob of the Week.

However, the ESPN story concludes with this, “Connecticut law does not require colleges to report suspected sex offenses, according to the report.”  So maybe you, Connecticut should be the Boob of the Week for not requiring colleges to report such atrocities.

If you would like to read the ESPN story it can be found here:

#12’s Janaury 15-21 2012 Boob of the Week

This week’s Boob of the Week was so easy to pick, or at least I thought it was going to be.  I had two, one sports related the other not.  First let me go with the one that was not sports related.  Captain Francesco Schettino, who abandoned his sinking cruise ship while thousands remained on board has to be the biggest Boob of this past week.   I’m not saying the guy had to go down with his ship, but come on man you should’ve stayed as long as possible to get as many people off safely as possible.  But you clearly did not and therefore you are a Boob.

Now, this second sports related Boob of the week was an easy choice, or so I thought.  In the fourth quarter of the NFC Championship game Kyle Williams of the San Fransisco 49ers let a punt hit him in the leg, causing it to be a free ball that was recovered by the Giants.  At this point I texted my dad “that boob just cost the 49ers a trip to the Super Bowl” and I knew this kid would make my column as the boob of the week.  The Giants went on to score a go-ahead TD, but the 49ers come back to tie the game and go into overtime.  In overtime the same Kyle Williams fumbled a punt that was recovered by the Giants in field goal range.  Soon after the recovery the Giants made a field goal and were Super Bowl bound.  Kyle Williams clearly was a boob on the field and a major reason why the 49ers are home and not going to Indianapolis.  Easy to pick him as the boob of the week right?  I thought it was too, until reports of even bigger boobery came out with the news that people were wishing sickness, illness, cancer, death, and other various horrible things to not only Williams, but his parents, wife and kids.  Listen, Williams was clearly a boob on the field, but you boobs who wished such things on a person for what happened in a game are clearly much more worthy of the title Boob than Kyle Williams is.  I was rooting hardcore for the 49ers, the Giants are my least favorite team in professional sports, but I didn’t and don’t want something bad to happen to Williams.  I even had the thought that I hope he doesn’t go Vince Young and disappear for a while causing people to call the police because they were worried about his mental stability.  After the game I sent my dad another text, it said “I hate the Giants, but oh well, this isn’t going to effect how I sleep tonight.”  If this game caused you to loose sleep and threaten and wish harm on a fellow human being and his family then you are the boob of the week and are in desperate need of examining the priorities in your life.